Visiting.

How have you been my good people. This page smells like a graveyard but things are about to change faster than a tornado. I owe each of you honey coated sugar plums.

The Sutra of Innumerable Meaning

Source: The Sutra of Innumerable Meaning

WE WILL MISS YOU. (R.I.P)

Linda had a huge smile plastered across her face as she transcended the hills and valleys of her mother land; the place she was born and sworn to protect. The news that she had been accepted to military school excited her beyond measure and she could not keep the bubbly feeling to herself. News travelled like bush fire and the whole village knew she, a woman, was about to report to camp.  So much was said about military academy, the good and the bad, but for her, it was more, something so much more than the pros and cons of being a soldier. Guns and ammunition had always fascinated her and this golden opportunity meant that her dream to protect and fight for her country by hook or crook was about to come to life. Yet another item was struck out of her bucket list. She wanted to do something for human kind, something she would be remembered for, by her family and clans men at least.

Times in the wilderness and foreign lands were not easy. The jungle didn’t care what time of the month it was, whether she took a shower or not or if her nails were manicured. There was simply no special treatment, the key was survival; survival for the fittest as Charles Darwin puts it. She had to survive like her male counterparts. She had to camouflage and morph into something different from who she was. The ambush routines particularly took a toll on her but she knew she had to be fit and alert emotionally, spiritually and physically for her countrymen at all times. Times like those led her into missing her family; she longed to see them, hold them close and be a mother, wife, sister or aunty to them.  Linda pushed away the thoughts of giving up, got accustomed to the jungle and its harsh conditions made her skin tough. She becomes a warrior.

The alarm goes off. She jumps off her sleeping bag, puts on her combat gear, firmly straps her helmet to her head, loads her 13kg rifle and straps more armor onto herself. She is a woman who doesn’t take chance, so she fills her pockets with grenades too. She then steps out into the battle field ready to take down whoever was trying to cause chaos to her motherland. Her country cannot be razed down, at least not under her watch. Every time she went to the war front, she knew she might not come back alive. She knew the odds of getting out alive were pretty slim but she did it anyway. It’s a military thing that she swore an oath to; she swore to do her duties to God and her country and to help other people at all times. She prayed that she gets back home to her family and countrymen but if she came back in a body bag, she would have done her best before God and man.

Linda sees rising dust, a lot of it and the only thing in her mind are bullets; bullets flying all around her. There is a part of her that is convinced that that could be it. So she mumbles a short prayer to God on behalf of the other soldiers and herself. She prays for her sick mother she left behind, she prays for her children and her husband, she also prays for her siblings. She asks God to comfort them so they do not grieve much over her demise, that they should live knowing she died a hero. She also prays for the country men she swore to protect.

Boom! Boom! Bullets strike close to her heart. Her eyes become cloudy, images get blurred and she sees a bright light. The light draws closer and closer. She knows it’s her time to be called home by God, so she smiles. She smiles because she accomplished her mission. Her work on earth is done. Even though she dint win, she knows the other soldiers took them down. She folds her left hand into a fist, places it on the right side of her chest and pulls her gun closer. The last image she sees are sergeants Mathew and Alex giving her first aid, her smile broadens even more knowing she died a hero to them even if the country might not get to hear her name or notice her absence.

She had sworn to come back home alive.

 

 

welcome into my 2016

My name is Brenda, Brenda Sitawa. That average girl next door who is juggling between living and existing. The good news about me is that I want to tell you my stories. I want to tell you my not so perfect stories, stories marred by a bazillion emotions and activities that transcend all aspects of life.

I will tell you when life was Paradise, when all I wanted I got. When we went on vacations, walked on the Sandy beaches, dined in the best restaurants available and basked in the sun. I will also tell you a story how I lived a life opposite from that, days I lived almost like a hoodlum, tossed here a there without a specific thing or place to call my own.

I will tell you how my days are always like.

I will tell you my dreams, ambitions, wants and needs. I will also let you in on my joys, win, losses and triumphs

I will tell you how I met a boy who captured my heart and later razed it down to ashes.

I will also tell you how possessive I get over the things and people that I love

I will also tell you a story how I got a breast Cancer scare and literally pranced up and down the hospital corridors when I was told it was fibroadenosis, something far from it. I will also tell you how I want God more than anything I’ve ever wanted.

I will also tell you how I survive the murky waters of life, how I’ve always felt different and my struggle to fit in and be like the rest of them even though the only time I get satisfaction is when I let my guard down, let the little kid in new out of the box, sing off tune in the shower and walk barefoot in the sand or grass.

I will tell you this and many more.

I hope you stick around to read my tales from far and beyond

Signed: Yours Truly

❤❤❤❤❤

“I’m thankful to those who have deceived me, loved me, hated me, made me laugh, made me tear myself apart between geographies and conscience between reason and fantasy. Thankful to boys who stepped on my heart and ex lovers who made my exorcism of them persist in a whirlwind of records, books, movies and sharp lines. Thankful to friends who held my hand and those who broke my back. To men who saw the worst in me and strangers who saw the best in me without speaking. You’ve been my inspiration and everything you did, knowingly or unknowingly, requited or unrequited has been ingrained into my writing. You are my special credits”

THANK YOU.❤❤

On the Fence.

Broken treasure

Source: Broken treasure

Broken treasure

The city was all quiet. It seemed so alive yet dead. Was Nairobi just watching them make mistakes? The street lights were glaring onto the deserted gravel save for some tire screeches here and there.  It was a Friday night and they had just met. A cool breeze rustled her chiffon dress and she could feel Marks eyes staring at her now disturbed face. Teenagers were all over shouting profanities and this was not how they intended to spend their all so glorious evening.  Marks house wasn’t far away so they decided to spend the night at his place. They sat at his bedroom window and watched as the world drifted by; their legs were freely tangled and hearts free like sparrows. She was half asleep on his cheat with a content smile on her lips.

“I’ll always love you” he whispered

“If I get lost, just sing me a song and I’ll find my way to you” she mumbled

She loved Mark. He was the best God had created for her. She worshiped the ground he walked on. To her this was more than she could ever ask for in life. Every night she had dreams of how they would spend their lives together, the strolls at the beach, walks in the park and even how many kids they would have. It was all bliss; a perfect union. No amount of ill luck was going to befall them. She loved him more than silver and gold

Fast forward to nine months later; a beautiful girl was born. A product of lust. She dint know her fate even though she seemed loved. Slowly and stealthily as it came, all bliss faded and turned into something else she dint anticipate. He became distant and unapologetic of his infidelities. The other day he came announcing that his new girlfriend was expectant and that he dint want to see them anymore. He said they were a hindrance to his success and that if he had the power he would have “done” away with them.

She was a good wife. She did everything for him. She washed his clothes, made him good food. By good I mean good. But he never cared. All he wanted was her body and nothing much. She felt used but just couldn’t get herself to love someone else. She was as hooked as bait. He was her dream man and no amount of convincing would make her feel otherwise. But Mark on the other hand was oblivious of the fact that he was loved by this girl.

She stayed put because society said that every kid has a right to be brought up with both parents. She said that other kids would ridicule her for being brought up by one parent.  She put up with him because of her kid but her heart was broken into a thousand fragments. Her only consolation is the love and memories they once shared.  Did she have to go through all this?

Her kind live a painful dreary life

if i had more time i’d write you a shorter letter

I saw you in my dreams last night; you haven’t changed much. You looked at me like you used to but there was so much blankness in your eyes; it was obvious you were in a foul mood. The setting was not so pleasant either; I shed a tear or two.

You lost your cool at the bus stop last night over one hundred shillings and the tout lost some teeth too. The area police came and took you in, they said you need some correction and rehabilitation. I followed mum to the station and sat quietly with her as she narrated how it all begun. Your home was the breeding place, she said. She struggled to get you through school and had to bear the brunt of your drunken fathers’ wrath. He said it was a waste of resources to take imbisiles such as you to school. Being the good mother that she was, she dint want to rob you off your father, So she stayed put. Over the years you have learnt that to solve any dispute, fists have to be used.

It built contempt inside of you; so you fight to make a point. You have learnt that it’s not worth it and want to fight it off but you can’t because you have to protect” them”. Mum and Dama your little sister are often scared of where this life will lead you. Society has made you who you are. They have given you so many descriptions of what you ought to be. They have turned you into a faceless zombie. Nobody has dared to ever sit down with you to understand the intricacies and challenges of being who you are nor what you are going through. They are continuously pointing fingers and picking out the wrong in you. If they cared to find out, they will discover that they made you the person that you are today.

Am I the only one who seems to understand you? Is there a way I can explain it to them? Am I being blinded by love? Honey dearest, despite all this, Keith and Keinan love you. You will always be the best father they will ever have. Your love for them is irreplaceable and unquestionable. You will always have a friend and a soul mate in me. My shoulder is small but you can always lean on it. .